


look at the stars (look how they shine for you)

by CoffeeAndArrows



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, First Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:21:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22963816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows
Summary: "You said once that we couldn't have a universe with no Yaz," Yaz said softly, looking over to the Doctor.The Doctor looked up and frowned slightly in concern, her brow crinkling. "I did," she agreed, and Yaz didn't know how to respond. "Because it's true."or: just yaz and thirteen having a little chat (and maybe a little more.. :) )
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 23
Kudos: 114





	look at the stars (look how they shine for you)

**Author's Note:**

> full disclosure i wrote this in less than an hour on my phone after drinking several glasses of wine whilst my housemates were watching magic mike and it might be complete trash, but hope u are ready for some thasmin emotions :)
> 
> shout out to sarah (peopleinherearewaiting) for editing this and giving me a title and correcting my mistakes!! ty!!  
> also if u want some other fics to read after this go read hers!

"You said once that we couldn't have a universe with no Yaz," Yaz said softly, looking over to the Doctor. The boys had wanted a proper relaxing weekend in an alien spa without it turning into another disaster, so she and the Doctor had ended up with a weekend to themselves. 

The Doctor had offered to drop her off somewhere, as well – perhaps she wanted to go home for a few days, she had suggested, to see her family and friends.

Yaz had refused.

Maybe it was just this time of year – she always ended up feeling off around now and she had never been able to work out why. But the last place she wanted to be was at home. Travelling around with the Doctor was the best way to distract herself from the million and one thoughts swirling around her head. 

The Doctor looked up and frowned slightly in concern, her brow crinkling, causing Yaz to swear under her breath. She hadn't meant anything by the comment – she hadn't even meant for it to come out of her mouth. She just wanted  _ something _ , some kind of validation, someone to tell her that she was wanted and needed and to silence the voices in her head once and for all. 

The Doctor stopped fiddling with the console and took a few steps closer. "I did," she agreed, and Yaz didn't know how to respond. "Because it's true."

Yaz swallowed, almost regretting bringing this up. She hated feeling like this. She hated having everything she could possibly want at the tips of her fingers – this beautiful life, the chance to travel the stars and see wonders she would never have imagined, these beautiful friends she had never expected to gain – and yet still not knowing where she stood, or who she was, or what she really wanted out of life. She had never been good at needing help. 

She felt adrift, similar to when the Doctor had tried to teleport back to the Tardis after they first met and the gang had ended up floating in space. It scared her. Surely she should know where her life was headed by now? Mentally, she hadn't felt like this since she was sixteen and her life was nothing like it had been back then. Right now, she was on a slippery slope, one she was determined not to slide back down.

The Doctor tilted her head cautiously, her frown deepening. Her eyes were clouded with concern, and Yaz hated that she was the one to dull their normally starry twinkle. "Because you're important, Yaz," she said softly and Yaz bit her lip, hard.

_ I'm not,  _ the voice in her head whispered, but she stopped herself from saying it out loud.

"You are," the Doctor reiterated, as if she had heard Yaz's thoughts anyway. "I don't know what I would do without you."

Yaz's erratic heartbeat slowed and a gentle warmth enveloped her heart. She smiled softly. "You'd be okay."

The Doctor took a step closer and Yaz's stomach did a somersault. She closed her eyes for a moment. This wasn't the time, or the place for this. Twenty seconds ago she had been insecure and desperate for reassurance, but now... 

The Doctor shook her head, hand twitching at her side before she gave in and reached out, taking Yaz's hand in hers and tenderly running her thumb across Yaz's skin. She looked as though she was about to ask something, but then chose not to. Yaz's heart skipped a beat when she noticed their proximity, but she forced herself to be present in the moment instead of letting her mind drift. 

The Doctor shook her head. "No," she admitted softly. "I've been alone, and it wasn't good for me."

There was something about her tone that sliced right through to Yaz's heart and her gaze softened. The Doctor brought her other hand up so she was clasping Yaz's hand in both of her own.

"So, you're saying you need me," Yaz teased, not expecting the Doctor to take a step closer and tangle their fingers together. Her gaze was intense, and Yaz hadn't been ready for it. 

"I do."

Oh.

Yaz swallowed, ignoring the warmth spreading out  it  from her chest and reaching right down to the tips of her toes. "You do?"

The corners of the Doctor's lips curled up into a smile as if the question were entertaining her. Her eyes held such warmth, such depth, such  _ affection  _ that Yaz barely knew what to do with herself. "I do, Yasmin Khan."

Yaz held her breath, but the Doctor wasn't done yet. "I need you," she admitted quietly, voice softer than Yaz had ever heard it. "Don't ever doubt that. I need you to keep me in check, and to remind me why I'm doing this, and to tell me what you think of everywhere we go. I need you to fall in love with the stars and with the alien races we encounter, so you can remind me why I do this. I need you to remind me of your humanity, so I don’t lose sight of mine."

The Doctor leaned in a little closer, and Yaz could have sworn she was about to say something else. 

She didn't.

A beat passed.

She was close enough now that they were breathing the same air, the world standing still around them. "I need you, Yaz," the Doctor repeated and Yaz's fingers curled a little bit tighter into the Doctor's t-shirt. She didn't remember reaching out and taking hold of it, but that didn't seem to matter now. 

She was wanted. She was needed. And fuck, she wanted this, too. 

Her breath caught in her throat and she focused her gaze on the Doctor, her eyes flickering down to the Timelord’s lips for a split second before she dragged them back up to meet the Doctor's. The colours of her irises all swirled together, and it was a sight more beautiful than any of the galaxies Yaz had ever seen from the Tardis doors. 

(She was in too deep, and she knew it. But it was far too late now.)

"Do you mean that?" she asked tentatively, although she didn't need to. The Doctor had never been anything other than genuine, and she would never lead Yaz on about this. Whatever  _ this _ was. 

For the first time, something resembling apprehension flickered across the Doctor's face. Yaz immediately wanted to take her question back because she would prefer to keep things how they were than risk changing them for the worse. But before she could change her mind and attempt to talk her way out of the situation, the Doctor brought one hand up to cup her cheek, thumb delicately tracing along her cheekbone. She seemed apologetic already and Yaz closed her eyes because it hurt too much to see it. 

"I don't want to hurt you," the Doctor said earnestly, and Yaz kept her eyes closed. It didn't make  _ sense _ that tears were springing to her eyes, but she had never been great at controlling her emotions anyway. 

"You won't hurt me," she replied, but they both knew it wasn't true. 

"I might. And I would never forgive myself if I did."

Yaz swallowed again, eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks.  _ You wouldn't need to _ , she wanted to say.  _ We'll be okay, I won't get hurt, I won't leave.  _

She couldn't guarantee any of it. 

"Travelling with you…it's the happiest I've ever been," she admitted, opening her eyes just in time to see the Doctor smile, bright and beautiful and making her heart flutter in her chest. "But that's because of  _ you. _ You're the most incredible person I've ever met, and I– "

She cut herself off, but not before the Doctor noticed. "You what, Yaz?" She asked, both of them stepping into uncertain territory. 

Yaz's eyes flickered down to the Doctor's lips again, soft and caring and inviting. 

She didn't know who moved first. 

It didn’t really matter – they  _ both _ wanted this, and had both been fighting against their instincts for a while. But it seemed inevitable. Just as inevitable as the expansion of the universe, or the explosion of a supergiant star into a supernova. Yaz felt equally unable to comprehend their attraction as she could the extraordinary forces of space. All it took was her losing track of the world around her for a moment, and then the Doctor's lips were on hers and galaxies were coursing through her veins. 

She had kissed people before. She had had crushes before, and thought she knew what to expect. But this was something else, something indescribable, something chaotic yet calm, something old and yet new, something beautiful. Something that felt  _ right _ , more right than anything else ever had. 

Her fingers curled into the Doctor's shirt, and she felt the Doctor's lips curl up at the corners. Her knees went weak, and she leaned into the Doctor's kiss. The Doctor had hundreds of years of experience, and it showed. She was  _ good _ . Good enough that Yaz didn't ever want this to end. She wanted to live in this moment forever. 

Eventually though, Yaz ran out of breath, and she and the Doctor pulled away from each other. 

"Oh," she murmured softly, and the Doctor fought back a smile. 

"My thoughts exactly."

Yaz laughed and watched as the Doctor's eyes lit up in response. "I've been wanting to do that for a while," she admitted, and the Doctor smiled, brighter than she ever had before.

"Me too," the Doctor admitted, and Yaz couldn't help but match her smile. The Doctor took a breath. "Stay," she blurted out before she had the chance to stop herself. "Stick around. Travel for a little while longer." She looked down, cheeks flushing a little. "I'm not ready to live in a universe without Yasmin Khan."

Yaz's heart rate picked up again and she tilted the Doctor's chin up with two fingers and a small, accidental smile. "You've got me for as long as you want," she replied, voice hushed but certain - so, so certain.

The Doctor's smile was bittersweet. They both knew Yaz couldn't stay forever, but…she was there for the time being. That was all they needed, for now.

"I would love that," the Doctor said quietly, leaning back in for another kiss. 

Yaz couldn't have resisted, even if she had wanted to.

She would love that too.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> title is from yellow by coldplay, specifically jodie's cover bc i am weak for it
> 
> tumblr: @z-tomaz


End file.
